Twenty-One. To think when I was eight I used to imagine myself to be married, moved out and have kids by the time I was this age is unimaginable. So to my eight-year-old self that isn’t the case. It’s not even close.
I guess my apprehension to this birthday is the undeniable fact that I am getting older. Life goes by so slowly, yet so quickly and all of a sudden you get a slap in the face and come to the realisation you are no longer a kid anymore. When I turned eighteen, it was the distaste of being considered an adult that had me dreading my birthday, but those fears didn’t stick around long for the fact I was still in “school”, and school kids weren’t adults. Now twenty-one has just crept up on me, and I don’t have school as an excuse anymore, I’m in the “real world” so to say and there’s no going back and it has me so scared to say goodbye to my teenage years.
It’s scary to me because I feel as though I should have my life a little more sorted rather than this feeling I have of being blindfolded going full speed into the years of my life in which my biggest decisions will be made. I know I wouldn’t be the only twenty-one year old with an ‘I just don’t know’ mentality, going day by day in this wishy-washy stage of life contemplating where they are going and what they are doing, but it doesn’t make those feelings any less scary!
I also can’t be the only one who sees the years flashing by so quickly; it has me afraid of forgetting about the innocence I once had. I have times where I wish I could go back and tell myself to hold onto a moment and feeling a little tighter. The feeling of going to sleep on Christmas Eve, or buying new school supplies. The laughter shared over coffee with friends, going overseas for the first time, performing on stage. The beautiful feeling of feeling something for the first time, the excitement and nervousness of going into something new, which I don’t feel enough anymore. Most of my feelings are overruled with the anxiousness of what’s to come that I forget the journey there is the memorable part.
On a lighter note, the day of my twenty-first was delightful. I started the day off with balloons and cake with my family and then ended it with dinner and drinks with my friends. I was showered with so much love and was overwhelmed with how spoilt I was. With all the uncertainty shared above, there are two things that I am certain about, I will indeed find my feet one day, and until I do, I have the best family and friends surrounding me helping me stay on them.